Memories of Goth Christmases past

During my 2008 Christmas Midday Show on KEXP 90.3 FM, I made a crack about how "even Goths like Christmas," apropos of playing Siouxsie's "Il Est Ne, Le Divin Enfant" followed by Schoolyard Heroes' "I Want Your Soul For Christmas." Only days later did I remember there was a time, back in the late '90s, when we actually celebrated Goth Christmas at the house on Meridian Ave (see above). Oh dear.

Clearly, I had absorbed more than a few fashion ideas from Dean Johnson during my years in New York. And lord knows what Martha Stewart would make of my Christmas tree of cheeses.

And in case you missed it during the season, here's "I Want Your Soul for Christmas."

Worst. Christmas. Ever?

Last night, my friend Laurie was telling me about her Christmas morning this year. I didn't entirely understand where she wound up celebrating, but she mentioned that unwrapping gifts took several hours. Not because of the abundance, but because after every present was opened, it had to be passed around, commented on... and thoroughly documented by the family matriarch. Which reminded me of this picture. My Mom went through this phase where she insisted on doing more-or-less the exact same thing, and in 1990, my first Christmas as a jaded New Yorker, I simply was not having any of that nonsense.

Best. Present. Ever.

In light of the ongoing economic crisis, the Warlord and I elected to celebrate "Imagination Christmas!" this year. (Why bother with real gifts, when pretending you got whatever your heart desires is so much better?) Nevertheless, on Christmas morning, I woke and found the above under the tree, complete with a lovely cloth bow. After many years of searching, my beloved had obtained a copy of the mythic 1980 LP Gorey By Grimes, where crackpot thespian Tammy Grimes reads the works of Edward Gorey.

I'm still giddy. And I'd like to share a tiny bit of that joy. So, for your enjoyment, here is "The Wuggly Ump." Grab it while you can.

Tammy Grimes — "The Wuggly Ump"

Sweets?

Although she grew up in the Pacific Northwest, our friend Bee now resides in England, because they have the National Health Service and she has, um, special needs. They also have curious cuisine in the UK, as evidenced by the holiday delicacies she sent us, both products of Duchy Originals, in our Yuletide care package.

All italics are from the original packaging. "Vine fruits," as best I can deduce, is an affected expression for raisins.

CHRISTMAS PUDDING — This award winning, luxury pudding is made with plump organic vine fruits, walnuts and sweet almonds, fresh grated carrot and diced apples and flavoured with organic ale and festive spices. It is traditionally steamed, infused with organic cognac and matured for a delicious, fruity richness.

"It tastes like punishment," declares Mark after a few nibbles.

CHRISTMAS CAKE — Organic Christmas Cake made with vine fruits, almonds, brandy and decorated with marzipan and soft icing.

"I didn't like that thing either," he says, gesturing at the partially eaten cake.

This concludes our taste test.